What do I do

What do I do with the knowledge and understanding
that I would rather dance with your ghost
than waltz with the flesh and bone and blood
and beating heart of anyone else?  With the fact
that I would rather lie here alone and reach out
to cradle the empty indention of where you once rested
that feel it filled and graze the heated and empty
skin of another?
How can I measure any distance between us? Is it in
minutes or miles or hours or the most minute of millimeters?  When we kiss and the halo of our
electrical fields and the skin of our lips finally
sink together is it close enough then?  Can I crawl
through it and close my eyes on your side of the
skin we wear?
I just know that I would rather listen to your brand
and timbre of silence than hear a thousand songs
by a thousand choirs ringing through the vaulted
and exalted ceilings of a thousand churches.
Sing to me with your silence and I will feel it
pulse against my eardrums like waves on a lonely
shore.  I will let it lull me and soothe me
and fill the lacks that have existed in me since
I began.

What do I know about this life but that all life is
and ever has been is a tapestry of moments. Moments
of good and moments of bad and in between the mixed
and melting of the two into each other.  All we have
and all we can do with the time we’re here to wander
and meander around this beautiful ball of light and
wonder and joy and heartbreak and aching of always
is to tie bits of ourselves to the moments that shape us.
Tie them and let them trail behind us like Just Married cans
dangling off a rickety station wagon, windows freshly painted
with well-meaning congratulations in poorly formed cursive.
We are the sum of our moments, the equation that presented
itself without warning and never bothers to explain
why it is what it is.  We are the moments, the ones
that matter and the ones that we don’t quite know what
they mean.  A ladybug lands to rest on my hand, another
finds its way to you and it matters not the time or
space between the two.  We are tied to these moments
and they are tied to us.  Moments and they breathe as we
breathe.

What do I do with the wonder if you’re wondering too
and the lack of words when there’s a lack of ears
to hear them?  What do I do with the rain when it falls on
me alone? What of the moments when we are together? The light
through the trees and the patterns of the last few remaining
leaves on your face, painted in shadow and highlighted
by sunset?  I just know I’d rather wake to your face
and watch the light grow dimmer each morning into Winter
than an eternity of Summer mornings where the birds
know the lyrics to my favorite songs.

I just know that it is you, all my moments have lead me to the
knowledge and understanding that it’s always been you
and will always be you and the moments I’ve needed to make are the very same that you’ve been needing to make.  Be my ghost
and dance with me, fill the indention and let your silhouette
hold the hand of my shadow and walk away together.

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

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