Could You Be Satisfied?

“If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever seen, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?” // Crazy Love – Francis Chan

This struck me. Hard.
What a deep critical question to ask ourselves. Because really, it got me thinking for quite a while and to be honest, I will still doubt myself if I were to say I would not be satisfied with heaven. And this might make me sounds like a jerk, but yeah, even if Christ was not there. There I said it. I mean as humans, we all want good things that please us and fulfill our desires. Imagine a place with no sickness, no hurting, no troubles, no mournings, and all other bad things. Would I give it up for Jesus? Well, I know that if I put it this way, it is easy to decide and say that I would. But often times, it is easier said than done. When I sit down and look back at my life, there are a lot of circumstances where my actions do not align with my words.

I said I will let my life be centred on Jesus alone. And yet, I still do things out of my own pleasure without thinking of what God wants me to do. I said I will trust in His plans and His ways. And yet, I still complain and grumble whenever things do not go the way I want them to. I said I will surrender my life to Him. And yet, when He asked me to give Him my time, possessions, or comfort, I refused to let Him put His fingers on these things. I said I will seek God at all times and circumstances. And yet, where am I when I am filled with joy and happiness? Now, where am I when I am at my darkest moments? I am one selfish girl, that I know.

It’s just one of those days after you read something, and you think about it. It’s been going around my mind these past couple of weeks. I mean, God has been very good to me. He cares for me, He comforts me, He picks me up when I fall. He is good. But, it’s just my selfish and prideful human nature that hinders me from being completely overwhelmed by the great love He has for me. I have a desire to seek God. I have a desire to know God. I have a desire to love God. To love God until I can’t simply do it with my own power anymore. To love God with the help from Him. I have a desire to destroy myself in the process of loving Him. I have a desire to be with Him wherever it is because a day with God is so much more valuable than a thousand days elsewhere.

One day. One day I’ll get there. I’ll get to a point where I can fully convince myself that even in the toughest times, in the roughest patch, in the most terrifying circumstances, as long as I am with God, all of those suffering do not matter anymore. A day where I can boldly say that His grace is enough.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
// 2 Corinthians 12:9

And so, if today you ask me whether I could be satisfied with heaven even if Christ was not there. I would not answer that question until I can boldly say no.

Now it’s your turn.
Could you be satisfied?

Sinful but forgiven,
Kimberly Subianto

By the way, Crazy Love is one good stuff right there.


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