no kidding.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now, but just finally gathered all my will and power to write one today. I figured it has been an quite eye-opening experience for me these past several weeks, and soon you’ll know why.

Exactly two weeks ago, my mom flew back to Indonesia after her fifty(ish)-day stay here in Vancouver. It has been amazing having her here living with both my sister and me. The delicious homemade food she cooked for us, her never-ending effort in making the apartment 24/7 squeaky clean (yeah, I haven’t been cleaning for a while haha), and also all the more reasons to go out and not staying in to study. But in all seriousness though, it has been lovely having her here, keeping her in our company, and just spending time together in this tranquil city.

But yes, to say the least, I think it is one of the hardest goodbyes I have had. A week leading up to her departure was just hard for me. Just the thought of not knowing what is to come gives me anxiety, while the thought of having uncertainties that are definitely out of my control just gives me fear. It comes to a point where I just sat down and mourn as memories started to linger. And you know, in that moment, I felt a nudge down in my heart. If it weren’t for the hope that God has given to me, I don’t know if I would even still be standing here today. And yes it’s true, even up until today, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I am feeling okay. The pain is real. The pain is excruciating. But His hope is sure. His hope is unshaken. His hope is never failing. And right then, His perfect love and peace cast out my fear and anxiety.

It doesn’t stop there. Exactly two weeks ago, I was in the waiting period after going on a co-op job interview for a position I was excited about the day before. Before and during the interview, my heart beat at 185 bpm, and yes you can tell that I am a little exaggerating. But you can safely say that I was nervous. Long story short, I stepped out the interview feeling so-so. Well, I gave my best shot, and I know that my part then was to trust Him with His ways. Little did I know, the next day, they got back to me and offered me the job. Right there, right then, I was mind blown by how amazing God has been in my life. There were so many things I would’ve change during my interview – the things I said, the way I talked, so on and so on. But that happened. It’s crazy.

It took me a while to realize how He has been pouring out His grace and His love upon me. Honestly, since I got back from Indonesia in August, there were tons of things going around my mind – from family situation, personal struggles, school, and among many other things. And it took me a while to realize that at least in this career aspect of my life, He took care of it. Starting from job opportunities, interview shortlists, and now securing a job position. God’s amazing, and has been so good to me. It’s crazy.

The last thing I want to achieve here with this post is to tell you that we can measure God’s goodness by how much He has provided. No. But I want to tell you that, the nature of who God is doesn’t change with whichever vantage point of life you are in. God is still God, and God is still good. Today, I don’t primarily thank God for the job He has provided. I thank God for the faithful God He has been and will always be. I thank God for the anchor of hope He is. I thank God for the love He has poured out in me in the midst of troubles. I thank God for His boundless mercy that even when I fall so many times, He picks me up still. I thank God for the never-ending grace He has shown even though I am no where near deserving. I thank God that His words never fail, that His promises are sure.

Today, you, too, might be in the position I was at. You might be filled with distress, fear, confusion, doubts, whatever it is you name it. Let this be an encouragement that you are very well taken care of, even if you don’t realize it. It took me quite a while to see how I am so dearly loved, and I wish I could’ve grasp it sooner. As we go on another day, let us open our eyes to see how God has been extra good and faithful in our lives, and yes, even in the simplest thing. May we marvel at His goodness because that is who He is. May we dwell in His love because not only is He the source, He is love. May we hold fast in His hope because only that is never changing in this ever-changing world. And friends, again, know that in whatever season of your life – in season or out of season – God is still God, and God is still good. When all things seem like crashing on you, when nothing in your life seems to go right, when your faith starts to get shaken, know that He won’t fail you. Know that He wasn’t kidding when He thought of you and even died for you. Know that He is not kidding when He says what He says.

He’s not kidding when He said His plans are for good and not for disaster (Jer 29:11).
He’s not kidding when He said He will give those who are weary a rest (Matt 11:28).
He’s not kidding when He said He will give the weak power and strength (Isai 40:29).
He’s not kidding when He said He will supply all your needs (Phil 4:19).
He’s not kidding when He said His love endures forever (1 Chron 16:34)
He’s not kidding when He said all things work for the good for His children (Rom 8:28).
He’s not kidding when He said He will comfort us in our affliction (2 Cor 1:4).
He’s not kidding when He said His grace is sufficient for us (2 Cor 12:9).
He’s not kidding when He said He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut 31:6).

His love never fails,
Kimberly Subianto

P.S. YES! I will be working at the City of Vancouver in the new year. THIS IS EXCITING!!! Pray for me!

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