living past the saturdays.

living past the saturdays.jpg

I’m sitting down here on Easter Monday, trying to remember the last time I took the time to put my thoughts on paper (or blog you shall say). All memories are a blur. Yes. It sure has been a while and I’ve missed it. So, here I find myself pulling myself back from the so-called ‘busy’ schedule, reflecting on my life and sharing it with all of you. Hope this can somewhat speak truth in your life one way or another.

First things first, HAPPY EASTER. For us Christians, it definitely is such a huge celebration. it is indeed the greatest day in history. It meant that Jesus rose from the dead. It meant that He has overcome the power of death. It meant that there is literally nothing – no power so great, no bondages so strong, no pain so agonizing, and no darkness so overwhelming – that is able to defeat the resurrecting power of God. It meant that He is who He said He is. And yes, that truth is what I’ve known since I first became a believer. That truth is what I’ve been telling people about when they asked about my faith. That truth has been what I’ve been proclaiming with my mouth, really, without realizing that at some point along the way, doubts and disbelief start creeping into my heart.

The past few days were an eye-opener to me as I reflected back the story of the cross and the resurrection. I was just walking back home from the office and a thought brought me to a place of… unease. Flashback to the year of 2011, when my dad left for home. Suddenly I was reminded of an idea that emerged in a sixteen-year-old me as I was standing by the casket in denial. I remembered at that moment I thought, “If God is so strong, if God is who He said He is, He must be more than able to do this. He must be strong enough to turn things around. He must be powerful enough to grant me my deepest desire at that moment, and that is, to bring back my dad.” That thought lingered in my mind, and I held on to that hope – at least at that time, that was what I called hope for the ‘better’. Clearly, my thought remains as thought, and life moves on… Though some part of it did not. That same thought has somehow got planted in me, and just a few days ago, I realized I have been holding on to that too tightly. One thing led to another, and there’s a heart with disappointments and doubts all over. I was disappointed, and I had doubts on His so-called resurrecting power – He can’t even turn things around when I asked Him to. At that point, I sense an overwhelming unease and was called to turn around and run to Him.

I have been too focused on wanting THE miracle, without realizing that miracles happen all the time and all around – sometimes in ways we don’t expect.
I realized that I have been defining God’s power in my own terms, when in fact, His power has been working so amazingly throughout my life.
I have believed the beautiful love story of the Cross that happened on Friday, yet have doubted the hopeful story of the Resurrection Sunday.
I have fixed my eyes on the ever-so-loving God for sending His son as the perfect sacrifice for me, but not the ever-so-powerful God who can bring new life.

All this time, I have been living the Saturdays.

Yes, I thought that His power will only be shown in ways I thought seem powerful, i.e. bringing the dead back to life. But in fact, He has done it all along. He has brought my dead hope back to life. He has turned my sorrow into an inexpressible joy. He has led me from the dead end to a new path. He has overcome the darkness with His light. He has been so powerful, and He has been so real. So I don’t know what else is there to prove Him otherwise.

As I read back the story of Good Friday leading up to Easter, I wondered what the disciples must’ve felt like on the Saturdays. I mean, they expected Jesus to save them, and yet, He was found so helpless up on the cross and eventually put into the grave. They must really be struggling in wrapping their head around what Jesus said. They must really be starting to doubt on the very words of Jesus. But in their disbelief, God showed up. He never stopped pursuing us.

“Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise.” And they remembered his words, and returning from the tomb they told all these things to the eleven and to all the rest. 10 Now it was Mary Magdalene and Joanna and Mary the mother of James and the other women with them who told these things to the apostles, 11 but these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them12 But Peter rose and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen cloths by themselves; and he went home marveling at what had happened.” (Luke 24:5-12)

 In the midst of my disbelief, I want to be found like Peter. Rising up and running to search for the truth. To rise up and seek the Living. To rise up and be reminded of the resurrecting power that has been so evident in my life. And to rise up in awe and wonders as I marvel at what had happened.

Friends, let this be an encouragement to you all! In whatever season in your life you’re in right now, maybe some things went in a different way than what you’ve expected, or maybe you felt like your hope is gone and it seems so dark all around you, rise and run. Don’t get stuck on your Fridays or Saturdays. As much as it is amazing to dwell in His love for us demonstrated on the Cross, seek for His powerful truth and live past your Saturdays. Rise up on Sunday and run and seek for the Living. He is ALIVE and His resurrecting power is alive in us too. Truly, He is who He said He is.

Faithful He has been; faithful He will be ♡

In Awe and Wonders of Him,
Kimberly Subianto


2 thoughts on “living past the saturdays.

  1. Excellent reflection, Kim!

    Thank you for vulnerability and just sharing with the world your struggles and honest walk with God. I testify that what you’ve written is true to who I know you to be.

    Keep it up! God’s not finished with you yet. 🙂

    A ton of love right at ya,


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