the sinkhole.

the sinkhole

It’s about time that I write another post – apologies for being MIA people. Not that I am busy or anything, I have been saying “later” to writing for the past several months and look at how long this has put me to! But anyway, I’m back, and hopefully will be back to the blogger world for a while!

Let me start by telling you a somewhat funny story, or at least in my opinion. So on Monday at around 11 AM, I was out on a City construction project site to do my weekly site visit. As I was walking doing my usual rounds, putting one step after another, one my foot just sunk deep into the fine-looking ground. I landed softly on the ground as one of my foot got stuck in the sinkhole of sand and water. I was able to pull out my foot just fine but my right leg is all soaked up in a think sandy fluid up to knee-high. Some of the construction guys were very nice and approached me with concern – they also offered me a pair of clean socks, etc. (THANKS GUYS!) Long story short, apparently, the water main underneath the ground was broken and so water has been leaking and causing the soil to soften, creating a sinkhole. One of the guys jokingly said that if I hadn’t stepped into it, they wouldn’t have known that the water main was actually broken haha. So it was actually one of those moments when I felt pretty good about making a discovery on site – though going through the hard way. I went home with two things on my mind that I was thankful about: One. Thank God I just got 1 foot on the sinkhole, imagine if it was both of them – cannot imagine how deep I would have sunk in! Two. Thank God it was the water main that was leaking and not the sewers – I absolutely don’t want to find my foot drenched in waste matter.

Why am I telling you this? Because me being me, I was reflecting on what happened on-site and was somewhat reminded of how we tend to live our lives. The ground looked fine at the surface, and yet, it wasn’t a strong foundation because there is something underneath that is broken. And is destructive. And at one point or another, it will sink. Isn’t that how we tend to live our lives? For the most part, we know we are imperfect and have brokenness in every corner of our hearts, but we never really are a big fan of exposing it and dealing with it. So instead, we pile up our brokenness with a load of good deeds that we do, a load of achievements that we worked hard for, a load of a bunch of other things that can wear us out. Just to cover up our imperfect self and seek approval from the outside world, hoping to look okay in the surface.

Don’t get me wrong. There is no doubt we still need to strive for righteousness, or you may want to call it ‘good deeds’, despite our brokenness, but when we do it out of the intention to hide who we really are deep down, it can be pretty dangerous. Just like how the sinkhole can grow even deeper if the broken water main was just left as if for weeks, or months, or years, we too can fall even deeper. So that afternoon got me thinking: wow, I have been doing that in some aspects in my life, trying to prove that I am not as broken as I actually am, trying to come up with all the rationale in the world to make myself believe that I am not doing too bad myself. Then I remembered this verse that serves a ton of encouragement to me:

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

A daunting question came across my mind, then. What is so wrong about being broken anyway?! In a world where everyone seeks perfection, it seems pretty hard not to try to put a mask on what is broken. But I was put in a place of awe, knowing that Someone who has seen all our imperfections, all our failures, all our negative thoughts – yes, Someone who has seen it all, and yet, chose to stick around, to love us still and to even exchange all of our crap with His righteousness. If there is one thing I want all of us to be reminded of from this post, is that it is okay to be broken, and God has called us to come just as we are. No, there’s no pretending. There’s no hiding. There’s no covering up. He wants us as broken as we are.

Today, let us be overwhelmed by the love that He has for us in our brokenness. Let us not be in fear coming to Him with all the scars we may have and enjoy His never-ending grace that see past all our imperfections just to find beauty in us.

Instead of sinking in all the wearisome deeds we do to hide who we really are, let us sink in the mercy of Jesus Christ who loves and accepts broken people like us.

Instead of sinking in all the guilt that we have for not being so perfect, let us sink in the love Jesus Christ has acted upon as He bore our guilt on the cross.

Instead of sinking in the whole lot of list to do that may correspond to ‘acting righteously’, let us sink in the righteousness He has given over to us.

Instead of sinking in the fear of what others may think of us, let us sink in the confidence knowing that He who has seen it all accepted us as if we had never sinned.

Instead of sinking in the despair thinking that there is no hope for people like us, let us sink in His victory knowing He has conquered sin and death.

May these words encourage you in whatever situation you are in right now. There certainly is no place too far, too dark, or too dangerous that is out of reach for Him. There is no reason to hide – He has seen it all, your past, your present, and your future, and yet, He chose to love you still now and forever more.

Sinking in His Love,
Kimberly Subianto

PS. Maybe I need to have more moments of stepping on a sinkhole to get a post up on the blog :p But in all seriousness, I promise to try and be more intentional in writing! Hope to see my next post up soon too.

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