A Letter.

Picture taken with iPhone 4s. Location: Stanley Park (Vancouver, BC)

To my future spouse,

I was thinking about you. I am thinking about you. And I will be thinking about you maybe some time before I sleep, study, or whenever. I can’t wait for the day when God brings us together. I don’t know when it will happen, or how it will happen, but I know that it will be at a perfect timing. Other possibility is that I might have met you, and I just don’t know that you are the ‘one’.

I have my history, you have yours. I have my weaknesses, and you have yours. Whatever they are, I will accept all of them because our pasts are a part of our lives and they make us who we are today. We share a lot of things in common. However, we may still fight, but it is done out of love. We may still argue, but it is done out of love. We may still criticize, but it is done out of love. We will have ups and downs throughout our adventure together, but at the end of the day, we can find ourselves holding each other’s hand – overcoming all obstacles together and depending on God every step of the way. Well, it’s true that there’s no ‘perfect’ love in the world other than God’s love for us. That is why our relationship is grounded by His love. Because really, until we can fully understand God’s love for us that surpasses our knowledge, we cannot genuinely love others at times when all the unpleasing circumstances come in our way. (And yes, warning number one, I can be unpleasing sometimes. Just sometimes.)

I am looking forward for the things we are going to do together: waking up every morning with you by my side, studying the Word together as we encourage each other at all times, having little sweet conversations over dinner every night you come home from work, cuddling on the couch doing nothing when the TV is on and we don’t even have any idea what we are watching, supporting and cheering for each other when things look a little rough, and maybe one day, sending off our children to their first day of school?

As I am writing this letter, I am continually praying for you. Praying that you will love God more than anything or anyone else in the world, including me. Praying that you will grow into a man of God, picking up your cross as you faithfully walk with Him. And I am praying that you are also praying for me 🙂

I am excited to grow old together! Are you?

Your future spouse ❤

P.S: I will understand if someday you have to cancel our anniversary dinner date because you have other responsibilities in church that day. But, I am warning you that you have to make up for it!

The End?

Hello everyone. First of all, Merry Christmas! Hope you had a fantastic Christmas; I had a blast this year. It’s been a while since I last write a blogpost. My apologies for the delay. So, we’re done with 2012! It’s been such a good year. Ups and downs. Thick  and thin. Laughter and cries. Oh and guess what? We survive 21 December 2012! 21 December 2012 is the much-anticipated date for apocalypse according to the Mayans. And as of now, 2 January 2013 11:13 PM Vancouver time, the world is still looking fine, at least physically.
“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of Heaven, not the Son, but the Father only.” // Matthew 24:36 (ESV)
No one. Not anyone. Except for the Father Himself. Really, there is no use for us to predict when the world will end, because we will never know until the D-Day itself. Instead, why don’t we spend our time wisely, preparing ourselves for the last judgment day? (“We will all stand before the judgment seat of God” // Romans 14:10) It kept me thinking, what if I were to meet Jesus tomorrow? Am I ready? Honestly, I can’t say I’m 100% sure.
What have I done for Christ? Have I done enough? Not that I mean salvation comes through good deeds, it’s all by grace and grace alone, but good deeds are the fruits of our faith and union with Christ, they are the evidence of our belonging to Him. Again, I want to emphasize that there is nothing you can do that will make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do that will make God love you less. (“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” // Ephesians 2:8)
And, have I spoken enough of God’s great love to others? It will be too selfish if I keep God’s unfailing love all for myself. It will be too selfish if I see a friend struggling and not say a word about the Loving Deliverer. Share God’s love with others. When God reigns over us, there will be overflowing love and joy that we don’t even have to try. We don’t have to fear of falling short of God’s love; He fills up the immensity space in our hearts, He covers each and every cracks in our hearts. Maybe we can think of it this way, when we are sharing God’s love to others, we are leaving empty spaces in our hearts, empty spaces for God to fill up with more and more love. He completes us. All around us are people with deep needs that God can help them with, and we need to be a witness of the love of God and share them the good news that He loves them. In this hurtfulworld, reflect His love. Share God’s love, by telling them how you have experienced the love that God has for you or how He has provided you in some way, by offering to pray for them when they are troubled. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you. (For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how can they call on Him to save them unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about Him? And how can they hear about Him unless someone tells them?” // Romans 10:13-14)
In the year of 2013, there are some actions to be taken and some improvements to be made. I made some new year’s resolutions; one of them is to share about God more often. I don’t know how I will go about it. But I know one thing for sure, if I want to do it intentionally, and I ask God to lead me through it, He will use the Holy Spirit to prepare the way and open the door for me to share.
So yeah, I took some moment to ask myself, what if the world end tomorrow? Or even right at this moment?
Ask yourself.
Jesus loves you!
Love and joy be with you,
Kimberly Subianto
And oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!
Some of the things I’ll do before 2013 ends:

      2. Try all menu in Ebiten
      3. Lose weight
      4. Learn how to cook 25 dishes
      5. Make 2500 people smile
      6. etc.

They Say Time Heals

you know when you’re heartbroken, then your friends keep on telling you, “time heals, my friend.” then you believe them, each day you wake up, telling yourself, time heals, time heals, it will heal. but seriously, does it heal? why do we wake up each day with the same pain in our hearts, with the same weight on our shoulders.
they say time heals, but actually time does not heal. they say time heals just to make you wake up each day with a hope, you hope that today may be the day. the day when you feel everything is okay.
and if time does heal, it will still leave you scars behind, scars that won’t go away, scars that will bring back flashbacks of what had happened. and you can’t run away from them, you can’t escape from the fact that you have been hurt. those are the things you have to live with, each and every day.
they say time heals, but i think what they really meant is that everyday you will find a way to accept the truth, and live with it. realize it or not, each day you wake up stronger and better. until one day, you wake up and you find that you are strong enough to accept everything, and just move on with your life. and that’s when they say time heals, where actually the wounds does not heal, but time strengthens you until you have the strength to overcome all the pain. after all, the past is the past. you can’t change the past, but one thing for sure, you can either be hold back to your past, or you can break the rope holding you back and move on with your life.
so, i’m not writing this to discourage you or anything. but, “pain demands to be felt.” (The Fault In Our Stars) it is inevitable, you can’t run from it, you can’t hide from it. sooner or later, you will feel it. but you can choose to be stronger and tougher each day until one day, you can tell the pain: “go away, i don’t fear you anymore, don’t hold me back.” and that’s when time heals.
learn from the past, accept reality, move on with your life,
Kimberly Subianto

When Heartbreak is God’s Protection

2 days ago, a friend asked me, “why does God allow heartbreak?” it gets me thinking up until this moment. i, myself, am blurry about this situation. so today, i might have the “answers” to that question. and mostly are just my opinions, so, here it is.
heartbreak, heartbreak, and another heartbreak. somewhere in your school, there will always be someone who is struggling with a heartbreak. somewhere down the streets, there will always be someone who is breaking another’s heart. somewhere in the hallway of a hospital, there will be someone who is not only hurt mentally, but also physically, because of a heartbreak.
heartbreak, it’s a natural thing. from time to time, people will break your heart, and let me tell you, heartbreak is not a small issue, it can destroy you inside out. it’s not just a mere sadness, it’s an overwhelming distress that will affect you significantly, it may change the way you behave in the future, it may become a traumatic event.
there are many different situations of heartbreaks: for example, unrequited love – when your love towards that person is not returned. or when your loved one had an affair with another person. or when you lost your loved ones forever…
many people responded to heartbreaks by searching for other sources of happiness, though it is just a temporary happiness, such as drinking, taking drugs, etc. but really, if you do that, you’re just escaping from the truth, you are being a coward, and in the end of the day, the pain will even be more inevitable to be ignored. and sometimes people will blame God for what happened to them, or grow bitter and showed hatred towards Him. i won’t judge, i think this is a natural reaction. it is called being a human. but, it’s wrong. don’t blame it on God. God does not break your heart, people do. however, sometimes He allows it for your own goodness.
  “A heart break is just a blessing and protection from God. It is just His way of letting you realize that He saved you from the wrong one.”
when love leaves, it’s brutal. maybe we don’t want it to leave. or maybe we know it is better of if it leaves, but we could not just give it up. when love leaves you, it breaks through your heart, creating a wound that you think will never heal. but you don’t realize that you have a superbly awesome God who can heal all your wounds, all your heartbreaks. (He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. –Psalm 147:3)
now i’m sure if God lets someone you really love leaves and breaks your heart, He is preparing a place for someone else to stay in your heart, someone who will never leave you, someone who is perfect for you, someone who accepts you for who you are, someone who completes you, someone from God, and someone who is better in every aspects than that person who leaves. if you have faith in Him, it will happen. trust Him, let Him control your life, understand Him.
or maybe, he/she is the right person for you, but it is not happening at the right time. so God put a pause right now and who knows when He will unpause your relationship. so if that person leaves you, keep trusting on God’s will and His way. if they are the right person for you, they will come back and fate has brought both of you back together. and if not, prepare for someone better. everything happens for a reason, and i know that God’s timing is always perfect.
another reason is that maybe He wants to discipline you, in Hebrews 12, it says that God loves you that He wants to discipline you, and as you all know discipline is not an enjoyable process, but it shapes you up into a better person. (“For the LORD disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” Hebrews 12:6) maybe all this time when you are with that person, you don’t realize that you are not putting God above any other things, maybe you grow distance with God, maybe you are turning to a different person, and God wants you to get back on track. so He lets the person you love to break your heart. and then when you are feeling rejected and helpless, He wants you to discover or rediscover His love towards you. He wants you to realize that He alone, is enough for you. and He wants you to realize that His love never fails, He will never break your heart, and that there is no other love comparable to His. it is BIG, constant, unchanging and beautiful. trust me, this is hard to take in, but sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, and it sucks.
okay so maybe i have not answered the question perfectly yet. but it’s a good start, isn’t it? right now if you’re having a heartbreak, always remember that you have all the power to overcome it, you can start a relationship, and so you can also end one. start praying to God, ask Him to fill up the emptiness in your heart, and He will, He is more than willing to do it. because GOD is LOVE.
“love is a funny thing, it has the potential to bring the greatest happiness or the most severe sorrow.”
keep the faith, spread the love,
Kimberly Subianto